SmartPeoples Guide

Have you been hunting on Saturday morning?

Saturday Morning ...

 1:00AM Alarm clock rings
 2:00    Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of warm bed
 2:30    Throw everything except the kitchen sink in pickup
 3:00    Leave for deep woods
 3:15    Drive back home and pick up gun
 3:30    Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
 4:00    Set up camp, forgot the %#@&*!! tent
 4:30    Head into the woods
 6:05    See 8 deer grazing
 6:06    Take aim and squeeze trigger
 6:07    Click!
 6:08    Load gun while watching deer go over hill
 8:00     Head back to camp
 9:00    Still looking for camp
 10:00    Realize you don't know where camp is
 NOON    Fire gun for help, eat wild berries
 2:15PM   Run out of shells, 8 deer come back into close range
 2:20    Strange feeling in stomach
 2:30    Realize you ate poison berries
 2:45    "Rescued"
 2:55    Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
 4:00    Arrive back to camp
 4:30    Leave camp to KILL deer
 4:35    Return to camp for shells
 4:40    Load gun, leave camp again
 5:00    Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you
 6:00    Arrive back in camp, see deer grazing in camp
 6:01    Load gun
 6:02    Fire gun
 6:03    Score bulls-eye on pickup truck
 6:05    Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer
 6:06     Repress strong desire to shoot hunting partner
 6:07    Fall into fire
 6:10    Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
 6:15    Take pickup and leave partner and his deer in deep woods
 6:25    Pickup boils over because hole shot in block
 6:26    Start walking
 6:30    Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
 6:35    Meet bear
 6:36    Take aim
 6:37    Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud
 6:38    Smell offensive odor emitting from pants
 6:39    Climb tree
 10:00PM Bear departs, you wrap %#@#&**! gun around tree
 Midnight Home at last
 Sunday   Watch football game on T.V. while slowly tearing up
  license into little pieces, place in envelope and mail
  to game warden with clear instructions on where to 
  place it.

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This page is dated January 2002.